


An Unexpected Adoption

by BeanieBaby



Series: Senator Obi-Wan AU [11]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Aayla Secura sniffing babies left and right, Babysitting, Bly being a badass, Fluff and Crack, Fox handling babies like package bombs, Kit Fisto being a serial flirt, Mace Windu being done with everyone around him, Multi, Padme is a badass working mother, Plo Koon's attempts to adopt the entire galaxy, Wolffe repeatedly ruining his general's plans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeanieBaby/pseuds/BeanieBaby
Summary: The clone medic on duty stared at the four grown men framed in his doorway.“You want me to do what?” Kix asked.“I’m ordering you to change her diapers,” Fox said as authoritatively as he could muster.Rex’s medic scratched his stubbled chin and pointed to the exit, “with all due respect, sir, kindly get out of my infirmary.”(Senator Amidala leaves Commander Fox in charge of the twins. It goes as well as one would expect.)
Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & CC-3636 | Wolffe, CC-5052 | Bly & CC-1010 | Fox, CC-5052 | Bly/Aayla Secura, Kit Fisto & CC-1010 | Fox, Kit Fisto & Plo Koon, Kit Fisto/CC-1010 | Fox, Plo Koon & CC-3636 | Wolffe
Series: Senator Obi-Wan AU [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785886
Comments: 45
Kudos: 495





	An Unexpected Adoption

**Author's Note:**

> More crack for this verse. Enjoy and leave me some love! 
> 
> Reminder that in this Senator!AU, Padme is married to her childhood crush from Naboo, not our favorite Human Disaster Boi.

“Ma’am, you called?”

The door to Senator Amidala’s penthouse slid open with a loud hiss, and a wall of noise bombarded Fox’s senses. There was a tea kettle whistling merrily to the duet of the two screaming infants flailing about in Padme’s arms. She promptly shoved them at Fox and rushed into the kitchen, long curly hair flying wildly behind her like a massive brown halo.

She looked a bit unhinged, if Fox was to be completely honest.

“Senator,” He began, carefully cradling the fetuses to his chest.

“I hate to ask you for help, commander,” Padme explained distractedly as she wrangled the wall of hair into a ponytail, “Stone’s the one I usually call. He’s so good with Luke and Leia, but—"

“He’s won’t be back until tomorrow because he’s off-planet with the Chancellor,” Fox finished for her.

“Yes, that,” The Naboo senator shot him a despairing look and wiped her wet hands on her expensive-looking nightgown, “I have an emergency meeting with Bail Organa and our council in ten minutes. The twins still haven’t eaten their breakfast, and my husband is on the other side of the galaxy. I’m never going to make it on time.”

“Breathe, Senator. Everything’s going to be fine,” Fox adjusted the wriggling infants in his arms and managed to free one of his arms, “I’ll message Thorn to give you a ride to the Senate Building. You should go change in the meantime.”

“You really are a lifesaver,” She gushed at him, flashing a grateful smile as she grabbed a solitary diamond earring from a salad bowl and hurried past Fox into the bedroom.

Silence settled over the remaining occupants of the kitchen. Luke and Leia had stopped their demonic wails and were studying him with singular intensity. Fox assessed the war zone — spilled formula, running water, and countless piles of unwashed dishes and pots. He walked over to the sink and shut the tap. One of the twins gurgled at him in disappointment.

“I think I saw Commander Thorn’s speeder in the street, Fox. I should be back by late afternoon or early evening,” Padme burst from the room in whirl of silks and perfume, somehow transforming herself from frazzled mother to polished senator in the span of five minutes. She finished braiding her flawless hair and flung it over one shoulder, “Two scoops of formula, fill the hot water up to the brim of each bottle. Lunch, snacks, and dinner are already prepared and packed in the fridge. Luke likes to play with his food, please don’t let him.”

“You two behave with Commander Fox,” Senator Amidala bent and laid a loud kiss atop the heads of Boy 1 and Girl 2. Then, standing on tiptoes, she reached up and pulled Fox’s helmeted face down and planted one on him, too. “Thank you again. I really don’t know what I’d do without you and the rest of the Coruscant Guard.”

“Now what?” Fox asked the babies as their mother slammed the door behind her.

In reply to his inquiry, the one on the left sneezed and farted at the same time.

* * *

Babies, as Fox soon began to realize, were terrifying pools of puke and diarrhea.

“What have you got there, commander?” Monnk’s Jedi general spotted him the moment Fox stepped off the transport shuttle. He was kind of hard to miss, what with two human infants strapped to his chest like a bomb vest. After cleaning up Senator Amidala’s apartment, he’d decided to take the children on a field trip, aka, resume his work. The crowd, mostly GAR troopers of the 327th judging by the color scheme, parted as one to let Fox through. Kit, wearing a loose brown robe over plain black trousers and sensible boots, wandered over with Commander Bly in tow.

“Hello there,” The Nautolan cooed, unbuckling the belt slung over the child’s shoulders and gently picking up the fetus on the right, “what’s your name, little one?”

They both looked to Fox for the answer.

He cleared his throat, “Uh, Senator Amidala said Luke for the boy one, and Leia for the girl one…but I don’t know which one you’re holding.”

Bly lifted an incredulous eyebrow at him. Fox narrowed his eyes, “get off your high horse, I’ve had a long day.”

“It’s nine in the morning,” His batch brother pointed out, bewildered.

“Exactly. Don’t test me, Bly.”

“Can you say Uncle Kit?” Fisto asked the child in his arms. He tickled it under the chin, “Say Uncle Kit, Luke or Leia.”

It flailed, a small meaty fist decking Kit in the face, and promptly puked on him. Bly covered his mouth and took a step back.

“Did you remember to burp the babies after feeding them, commander?” Kit asked delicately after a pause.

“Do what now?” Fox asked.

“Oh Gods, it’s happening to the other one!” The Commander of the 327th Star Corps yelled, jerking a horrified finger at him. Fox looked down and found the remaining child in the sling foaming at the mouth. Well, that was perhaps a tad bit of an exaggeration, but indeed, as Bly astutely observed, the other one had vomited as well.

Sighing, General Fisto passed Luke or Leia over to Bly and shrugged off his soiled outer robes. He wiped the one in the baby carrier clean and handed the formula-soaked cloak to a reluctant 327th trooper.

“What’s going on over here,” A female voice called out. Fox glanced up and saw Bly’s Jedi general weave her way through the clone troopers gathered at Port Station Nine. Aayla Secura gasped in delight, “are those Padme’s babies?!”

“Have at it, sir,” Bly flung Luke or Leia at her and beat a hasty retreat.

General Secura pressed her face against the blond child’s head and inhaled. Her eyes fluttered shut happily, “I love how they smell.”

“You’re weird, Aayla,” Kit remarked, standing next to Fox.

“And you’re half-naked again,” She frowned at him, “How? I literally saw you two minutes ago.”

“That’s our secret,” Fisto winked at Fox, who rolled his eyes and explained, “The one you’re holding puked on him, sir.”

“Oh, you poor thing,” Aayla cooed at the tiny human, their faces pressed tightly together. She turned to address Fox, “Are you on babysitting duty, commander?”

“For the time being,” He sighed, too tired to fight the heavy arm Kit tossed across his shoulder.

“Do you have somewhere else to be?” She inquired curiously.

“Yes actually,” Fox admitted, “I was going to check on the other port stations and the intake forms.”

“I’m sure those are being taken care of,” General Secura assured him, “please stay for a bit.”

“So you can keep sniffing the children like a junkie?” Bly asked drily from behind her shoulder. The Twi’lek Jedi leaned over and said something in his ear that made the clone commander go bright red. She huffed and stalked off with Luke or Leia tucked securely against her chest.

“You can’t even take care of a plant let alone a baby, Aayla!” Bly hissed after her, the flush spreading furiously down his neck and into his regulation blacks.

“Says who?” She tossed defiantly back. Fox took a seat on an empty crate next to Kit and the other twin, who had grabbed one of the Nautolan Jedi’s head tresses in its tiny hands.

“Me! I have buried no less than five Tatooine cacti of yours in the past year alone! General Skywalker says they are literally impossible to kill! He catapulted one into space and it still survived!”

“Is that going to be a problem?” Fox murmured to Monnk’s general as they watched the duo from afar. He was ninety-nine percent sure Bly was romantically-involved with his general, which was a clear violation of GAR regulations and the Jedi Code.

“Are we a problem?” Kit shot back with a smirk.

Fox didn’t even blink. “I won’t hesitate, Fisto.”

“To do what?”

“Tase you in public.”

Kit gasped, “in front of the infant?”

“In front of the infant.”

“Is it weird that turns me on even more?” Monnk’s general wondered aloud.

His head jerked to the side as Fox tugged on a head tress in retaliation. Kit laughed helplessly. Glowering at the unprofessional Jedi, Fox yanked the baby back into his lap and covered its small, soft ears with his gloved palms.

“You’re a terrible influence,” He decided. “Apologize to Luke or Leia immediately, General Fisto.”

“Sorry, Luke or Leia. I promise it won’t happen again,” Kit locked eyes with the infant and announced gravely. They watched Bly and his general for a while longer. It was nauseating. Fox was close to regurgitate his own breakfast when Fisto murmured quietly, “can you blame them?”

He frowned under his helmet, “What do you mean?”

“For seeking a moment of reprieve in this brutal war.”

Fox considered that for a brief pause before admitting, “I suppose not.”

“What do you yearn for, commander?” Fisto asked, peering at him.

“A full night’s sleep.”

“And?”

Fox shrugged, jiggling the fat kid over his knees, “that’s about it.”

“You know I could help with that,” The sex fiend parading around as a Jedi High General leaned in and husked in Fox’s ear.

He wedged his blaster against the man’s left kidney and asked flatly, _“What did I just say, general?”_

“That you’d tase me without hesitation,” Fisto sighed, palming his face, “Please don’t shoot me in front of the child, commander.”

* * *

**[PRIORITY_ALERT_RE:CC-3636]**

CC-3636 (Wolffe): Why do you have a baby?

CC-1010 (Fox): Who told you I had a baby?

CC-3636 (Wolffe): Bly. My general wants to see. Please tell me it’s not an orphan.

CC-1010 (Fox): It’s Senator Amidala’s kid. Kids, actually. She has me looking after the twins.

CC-3636 (Wolffe): Thank the Gods.

CC-1010 (Fox): Why?

CC-3636 (Wolffe): Just stay where you are. We’ll come find you.

* * *

“You can’t adopt them, sir,” Wolffe said as if he’d spoken the words a thousand times before. “Those are Senator Amidala’s kids.”

“I know, my son,” General Koon murmured, and even though Fox could not read his expression under the antiox mask, everything about his posture and tone screamed bitter disappointment. “They have adorably round cheeks.” He paused and glanced up at Kit, “and yet again, you are unfailingly semi-nude, Master Fisto.”

“I have a complicated relationship with clothes,” Monnk’s general shrugged. General Koon sighed deeply, and to Fox’s surprise, peeled off his outermost layer and handed it over to the Nautolan Jedi.

“Your old nemesis is prowling nearby, you should cover up before Mace senses you in the Force,” General Koon advised before turned his attention back to the baby in Fox’s arms. Bly’s Jedi still had the other Luke or Leia.

“Her life force is remarkably bright,” He remarked, stroking a clawed hand gently over the child’s blonde head. “Both of them are.”

 _Ah, so this one was Girl 2,_ Fox thought.

Wolffe met his gaze through his bucket and raised an eyebrow. Fox shrugged minutely before clearing his throat and offering, “would you like to hold Leia, sir?”

“May I? Of course, Commander Fox,” He sounded overjoyed at the opportunity. Fox passed Leia over to Wolffe’s general and strode over to his brother.

“You still can’t adopt her, general,” Wolffe reminded tirelessly.

“If you let him hug you once in a while, this won’t be happening,” Fox murmured out of the corner of his mouth as the two Jedi Masters fawned over the infant girl.

“I do let him hug me,” Wolffe corrected, “believe me, vod. It changes nothing. Remember that dragon I told you about last week? The one that almost ate us? My general tried to adopt her eggs, that was why she tried to eat us.”

“He’s got a problem,” Fox observed.

“Gee, I didn’t notice,” Wolffe replied sarcastically.

“Is it a midlife crisis thing?”

His brother shrugged, “Honestly, I think he’s just a really good guy that wants to adopt everybody.”

“What’s that smell?” General Fisto suddenly asked, backing away slowly.

“What smell?” General Koon sounded confused. “I don’t smell anything.”

Kit grimaced, “That’s because your mask filters out most things.”

“I have to wear this annoying mask because you all refuse to lower the oxygen levels in this city and the Jedi Council room.”

“The rest of us need that oxygen to breath and survive, Master Plo,” Fisto reminded slowly, “besides, we voted democratically.”

“Hmm, weaklings,” Plo Koon didn’t sound convinced by the argument, but the unpleasant odor had reached Fox and Wolffe.

“Sir, I think Leia just took a massive dump in her pants,” Wolffe called out to his general.

“Oh my,” Plo carefully held the infant out at arm’s length and looked to Fox for guidance.

“What shall we do, commander?”

* * *

The clone medic on duty stared at the four grown men framed in his doorway.

“You want me to do what?” Kix asked.

“I’m _ordering_ _you_ to change her diapers,” Fox said as authoritatively as he could muster.

Rex’s medic scratched his stubbled chin and pointed to the exit, “with all due respect, sir, kindly get out of my infirmary.”

* * *

“Why is it green?” Wolffe asked.

“Why is there so much?” Fox added.

Shortly after Leia had her bowel movement, Luke had followed in his sister's footsteps. They stood over the two fetuses and their excrement in stony silence.

“So what now?” Fox asked numbly.

Wolffe amped up the filtration in his helmet and groaned, “smells like a squid farted inside a whale’s butt, and then they washed ashore and just fermented under the sun for a couple of days…”

Fox gagged at the description. His vision swam a little.

“Oh, for Fett’s sake, get out of the way, you useless imbeciles,” Bly, notorious child-hater and control freak, shoved his way past his brothers and pulled out a cleaning wipe from the pack of items Fox had put into their field trip bag before departing Senator Amidala’s apartment. They hovered over Bly’s shoulder, watching intensely as he lifted both of Luke’s chubby legs in one hand and expertly wiped his bare bum clean with the other.

“Trash bin,” Bly murmured. General Secura rushed over with said item. He met her eyes briefly, “thank you, sir.”

“Of course,” The Twi’lek general replied sweetly as her second-in-command quickly rewrapped Luke into a fresh diaper and handed him over.

Fox met Wolffe’s gaze. He was pretty sure Wolffe was thinking the same thing. General Secura looked like she was seconds away from dragging Bly off into some supply closet to make a baby of their own. She was definitely zeroing in on the swell of Bly’s ass with a fiery gleam in her eyes as he bent over the changing table to grab Leia next. The child giggled in delight at his attention and kicked out wildly, sending Luke’s used nappy flying and—

Fox stared down at the wet thing that had landed on his left arm. Alarm bells were going off inside his skull, the sound muffled by the all-consuming panic that had settled like a lead blanket over—

_"Stand aside.”_

Fox glanced up and saw with mounting horror that Wolffe had somehow produced a ginormous knife. He twirled it expertly in his gloved fingers and nodded tensely.

“Brace yourself, vod. I’m cutting that arm off.”

General Fisto blanched.

Plo Koon lifted a hand, “Commander Wolffe, NO!”

* * *

“Thanks, sir,” Fox sighed as the Nautolan Jedi general handed him a set of beige robes to throw over his regulation blacks. Fortunately, they’d been close to the Jedi Temple, so it hadn’t been too difficult to strip out of the contaminated armor and rush him over for a change of clothes.

“No problems at all,” Kit replied, ever the easy-going man. “We always have extra lying about.”

“Because you’re the one that’s always dropping them, general?”

“No, it’s because Grand Master Yoda randomly eats people and leaves their clothes as the only evidence of his crimes,” He folded his hands neatly into his wide sleeves and smiled like a shark.

“Very funny, sir,” Fox sighed, shaking his head at the Jedi.

“You look tired,” Fisto frowned. He was pretty sure Monnk’s general wasn’t any better off, judging by the number of scuba troopers still laid up in the clone infirmaries and the fading bruises he'd seen earlier. “How long since you last closed your eyes, commander?”

“In sheer despair while seriously contemplating ceasing my entire existence? Approximately five minutes ago when Wolffe tried to hack my arm off,” Fox answered drily, avoiding Kit’s concerned gaze.

“How many days, Fox?”

“Just two,” He mumbled, rubbing a hand over his lower face. “I’m fine. I went for almost a week last tim—”

“You’re taking a nap, right now,” Fisto wrapped a large hand around Fox’s wrist and dragged him toward the interior chamber. There was a large bed in the center of a large room with a meditation mat set up on one side and a floor-to-ceiling ivory white bookshelf on the other.

“This is your room?” Fox asked, studying the strange setup. “You sleep on an actual bed?”

Kit lifted a brow ridge, “Where else would I sleep, commander?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know, in some random water tank or the city pipes.”

“Wow, you think so highly of me, Fox,” The Jedi said in a deadpan voice. “I am so touched.”

“Sorry,” He muttered, peering at the scrolls stacked neatly on the desk. Kit had a half-assembled lightsaber strewn on the other half of the tabletop, various parts scattered around the metal barrel. Fox stifled a jaw-cracking yawn and said, “Thanks for the offer, sir, but I’m supposed to be watching Senator Amidala’s offsprings.”

“Plo and Aalya are perfectly capable of keeping an eye on them for a few hours,” Kit dismissed, all but tossing the protesting commander onto his surprisingly comfortable bed.

“And you’re just going to stand there and watch me sleep?” He asked incredulously.

“Nope, I still haven’t done my daily meditations,” Kit said cheerfully as he bustled about the room. Fox blinked blearily up at the tall ceiling. The lights had dimmed on Fisto's command. His whole body ached, the tiredness starting to seep back to the forefront of his awareness. He’d become an expert in the past year at avoiding and compartmentalizing the warning signs his body kept sending up to his annoyed brain.

“We are to contemplate the various temptations in our lives and release those thoughts into the Force,” the Jedi explained, wandering back to Fox’s side. He turned his head and caught sight of Kit’s devious grin, “What better way to ponder the temptations in my life than to have the physical embodiment of it in my bed?”

“How have they not kicked you out into the streets yet?” Fox frowned at him. “Your space monks friends, I mean.”

“I’m not quite sure,” The Jedi hummed in agreement, “I turned down the offer to the Jedi Council four times. They eventually got fed up and just added my name. Poor Anakin’s been trying to get onto it for years to no avail.”

Fox snorted at that last observation, his tired eyes fluttering shut. He heard Kit’s quiet laugh and felt fingers brush briefly over his hair.

“Sleep, commander. You are safe here.”

* * *

The sun had migrated to the other side of the sky when Fox next opened his eyes. The room was empty. His head felt a little less foggy as he struggled upright and wandered over to the desk where Kit had scribbled a small note in neat handwriting.

**_Luke and Leia — with masters in training yard._ **

He followed the instructions and managed to grope his way to the right place. The late afternoon sun casted a soft orange glow over the handful of figures in the training grounds. Fox watched them from a distance as one of the babies crawling around in the center of the sand pit.

“Come to me, Luke, I have candy,” General Koon encouraged.

“Sir, please refrain from luring children away from their guardians with the promise of sweets,” Wolffe groaned, massaging his temples.

“It worked with you, didn’t it?” Plo Koon murmured, pulling out a few brightly colored sweets from some hidden pocket in his brown robes and beckoned invitingly at the small human.

Wolffe cocked his head, bemused, “When?”

“When I visited the Kamino establishment ten years ago,” His general elaborated patiently, twisting to look at Wolffe. “You were holding a small blanket and standing by the window.”

“I never had a blanket…wait a minute, it was _you_ that Cody met?!” Fox’s brother exclaimed, already starting to wheeze-laugh hysterically, “he said a ghost tried to eat him, and had recurring nightmares about you _for the next five years!”_

Wolffe doubled over, clutching at his stomach and gasping for breath. The poor Kel Dor Jedi’s shoulders slumped dejectedly.

“He has since recovered from the unintentional trauma I hope?”

Wolffe wiped away his tears of laughter and exhaled slowly before clearing his throat and meeting General Koon’s concerned gaze, “Yes, the guy’s a sarcastic shithead now, unfortunately.”

“To me, you must come, young one,” The Grand Master said, tapping his cane for emphasis at Luke, who had been drooling into the sand and watching Wolffe.

Mace Windu, who was not participating in the madness and leaning against a marble pillar further in the court yard, frowned down at the baby as it weaved drunkenly in his general direction. “No. Shoo, get away. Go back to them.”

The infant blew a cheerful spit bubble at the Jedi master in greeting, tiny hands gripping stubbornly onto Windu’s long beige robes. The bald man’s expression softened imperceptibly as he reached down and patted it awkwardly on its blond head. “Good job, kid.”

“Why won’t he come to me, Wolffe?” Plo asked sadly. Fox’s brother squeezed his general’s shoulders sympathetically, “Cheer up, sir, Leia still likes you.”

He glanced around in confusion, “Where is Leia?”

Seated up in the branches of the ancient-looking tree on the other side of the training yard, Aalya Secura glowered down at her expectant colleagues, “All of you, stay back. My fifteen minutes with her are not up yet.”

“Are they still fighting over the babies?” Kit’s voice piped up from behind Fox. This close, he could picked up the lingering scent of bacta on the Jedi's clothes.

“You went to see your troopers?” He asked. Monnk’s general nodded, and taking Fox’s hand, pulled him down into the courtyard below.

“We challenge you to a caged death match for the ownership of the tiny humans,” He shouted at them, deliberately adding fuel to the fire.

“No, we don’t,” Fox sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “we come in peace.”

Mace Windu narrowed his eyes at the Nautolan Jedi Master, “Not going to work, Fisto. I’d rather have ten of you on the Jedi Council than one Skywalker.”

“He’s not _that bad,_ sir,” Wolffe pointed out on behalf of Ahsoka Tano's master.

“He’s the reason I have no hair, Commander Wolffe,” Windu muttered sarcastically.

“That’s a bald-faced lie,” Kit said gleefully, grinning at General Koon when he choked on air behind the antiox mask at the pun, “you had no hair long before Anakin was ever a twinkle in his mother’s eyes. You just enjoy snuffing out the hope in poor young Skywalker’s chest like a cruel kid with a stubborn birthday candle.” He leaned in and whispered loudly to Fox, “it’s the secret to his youthful complexion, commander. He thrives on the suffering of others. I’ll let you in on a secret, Mace is actually older than Master Yoda.”

Windu’s jaw flexed in annoyance, “You’re really toeing the line today, aren’t you, Master Fisto?”

Kit shrugged innocently, still smiling sweetly at the scowling older Jedi.

“If you really want some hair, you could invest in a toupee,” General Secura added, sticking her head out of the tree. “There are a few that might suit your face shape, Master Windu. I’m sure Depa won’t mind helping you pick one that Ponds isn’t allergic to.”

“I can’t imagine you with hair,” Monnk’s general frowned, stroking his chin critically, “It’s like the equivalence of a bald Qui-Gon Jinn. The universe would collapse in on itself.”

“An embarrassment to the Order, all of them,” Grand Master Yoda murmured to Fox, shaking his wizened green head and lifting a small frail hand to the clone commander for assistance up the lengthy steps and into the temple.

“Dinner, I must go to now. Care to join me?”

* * *

There was a fancy edible fruit arrangement on his desk the next morning when Fox arrived at the office. Senator Amidala had written a lengthy thank-you note to go along with it. Shaking his head at the memory of yesterday’s craziness, he got to work on the huge stack of accumulated data pads. An insistent knock echoed through the room mid-morning, jarring Fox from his concentration.

“You witch!” Stone’s shouted dramatically when he opened the door.

Fox raised his eyebrows, “What is happening?”

“I was the Amidala twins’ favorite person, and in less than a day, you’ve dethroned me!” The senior Coruscant Commander accused, “how did you do it, temptress? I demand you reveal your secrets!”

“I didn’t do anything,” Fox rolled his eyes at Stone, “still can’t tell the boy and girl apart, and I never ever want to see them again until they can actively control their sphincters. Go back to work before I write you up for wasting my time, Stone.”

He turned to the other man standing in his doorway. “And what do you want?”

Wolffe lifted a datapad and said, “sign here.”

“What for?” Fox asked suspiciously.

“Since the senator’s kids are taken, my general’s decided to adopt you instead,” Wolffe said, his face dead-serious.

“Wait,” Stone blinked in confusion, “should I be here for this?”

“Yeah, it’s actually a good thing that you are. We need a third-party witness to make it official,” The leader of the Wolf Pack shrugged. “I also need your signature, too.”

“I’m not a child,” Fox pointed out. “I don’t need a father figure.”

“No,” Stone leered unpleasantly, “what you need is a _daddy.”_

Fox’s hand twitched toward his blaster, _“You can't say stuff like that.”_

“Come on, I don’t have all day,” Wolffe shook the datapad in his face.

“No,” He crossed his arms over his chest, “besides, it’s not even legal.”

Fox regretted those words the moment they slipped from his mouth. Wolffe’s grin widened, “Oh, believe me. It’s legal alright. Our general found a loophole in that impenetrable bureaucratic jungle you built.”

 _“Impossible,”_ Fox hissed, bristling as if he’d been electrocuted.

“You’ll never know unless you push the paperwork through. What if he’s already adopted the entire Clone Army, hmm?” Wolffe purred, “Now, sign here, baby boy. You know you want to.”

“Don’t call me ‘baby boy.’” Fox snapped, teeth gnashing furiously under their combined scrutiny. He lasted all of fifteen seconds before cursing under his breath and scribbling his signature on the dotted line.

Wolffe cackled, the sound of pure evil.

“Only because I need to find that loophole and fix it,” Fox glowered at him. “This changes nothing.”

“Whatever you say, baby boy,” Wolffe winked, shooting finger guns back at Fox like an idiot as he jogged off down the hallway, “He signed the form, General. You can have your way with him now.”

“Oh, no,” Fox muttered under his breath as he spotted the Kel Dor Jedi Master.

“Welcome to the Wolf Pack, Commander,” Plo Koon said, clawed hands clasped over his chest and positively vibrating with unadulterated joy. “Tell me, what kinds of food do you enjoy? The boys and I try to have a family meal every fifth day of the Galactic Standard week...”

**Author's Note:**

> Yoda acts like a frail (and forgetful) old man with all the clone commanders, except Gree who knows he’s a badass scary mofo. But no-one else believes him, much to Yoda’s secret delight. 
> 
> Poor baby Cody, scared out of his mind when he saw the hooded figure standing outside in the Kaminoen rain and thunder. But he also wanted candy real bad. 
> 
> I find babies terrifying… They’re so soft and rubbery for the first few months of their existence. But women who are working moms need more support and representation. 
> 
> Go, Padme, go!
> 
> Send good vibes plz~ interviewing for a job and doing finals in the next few months :(


End file.
